This post is about the self-care for mums of autistic children
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If you’re a mum of an autistic child, chances are you’ve heard self-care advice that just doesn’t work for you. “Just take a break while your child naps!” “Why not do some yoga while they play independently?” But for many autism mums, these suggestions feel unrealistic. And in some cases even laughable.
Parenting an autistic child often means you are constantly supervising your child. You oftne have unpredictable routines, sensory overload, and your mental load is off the richter scale. So how on earth are you meant to care for yourself when general self-care advice doesn’t fit your reality?
Learn in this blog post practical strategies that actually work, and help you feel seen, supported, and empowered to prioritise your own well-being (even if it seems impossible).
Why Traditional Self-Care Advice Doesn’t Work
1. The Myth of ‘Me Time’
Typical self-care advice assumes that children can play quietly and independently while parents engage in something relaxing. But for autism mums, this isn’t always possible.
I know for me, being a mum of an autistic child, self care looks very different than it use to. Before, I could get my mum or a trusted person to watch my child while I did something for myself, such as getting a massage, doing some skin care or even taking a nice long hot shower and washing my hair (what a luxury that has become)!
Now, however my son needs a specific type of caregiver, one that is trained to meet his needs. This is not always achievable when I need it. So self care has taken on a new role in my life. It now is short and sweet. It is 5 minutes with a cup of tea while my child focuses on his special interest. Or, it could be enjoying the warmth of the sunshine outside while supervising my son in the outdoor play space. It could be doing some deep breathing exercises while he is with me and before we move to the next transition of the day. Either way, I now incorporate self-care into my existing routine with my child.
Mothers of autistic children generally exhibited high levels of anxiety and depressive symptoms. The core symptoms of the autistic children were observed to be strongly associated with both maternal anxiety and depressive symptoms.
national library of medicine
- Reality check: Your child might need constant supervision due to safety concerns, repetitive play, or difficulty engaging in solo activities.
- Mental load: Even if they seem occupied, you may struggle to focus, always staying alert to sudden changes in their behaviour.
- Alternative approach: Instead of waiting for large chunks of “me time,” find micro-moments—a deep breath while they stim happily, a sip of tea during their therapy session, or stretching while they play with a sensory toy.
2. The ‘Take a Break While They Nap’ Advice
Many autistic children experience irregular sleep patterns, difficulty settling, or wake up frequently throughout the night. That makes it nearly impossible to count on nap time for self-care.
- Reality check: Naps may be short or non-existent, and by the time they sleep, you’re exhausted too.
- Alternative approach: Prioritise restorative self-care rather than just ‘doing things.’ If they nap, take a quiet moment to breathe instead of rushing to tick off a to-do list.
3. Sensory Overload Is a Two-Way Street
Your child’s sensory needs often take priority, but your own sensory overload is real too. Managing meltdowns, constant noise, and touch sensitivity can be exhausting.
Between juggling multiple therapy appointments and constantly advocating for another person’s needs, dedicating enough energy to your own self-care often becomes an afterthought. And although we all understand the importance of putting your mask on before helping others in theory, it’s rare that carers can find the time and resources to appropriately support themselves, even when it matters the most.
autism awareness australia
- Reality check: You might be experiencing sensory fatigue without realising it.
- Alternative approach: Identify small sensory comforts for yourself—soft clothing, noise-canceling headphones, aromatherapy, or a weighted blanket.
4. The Social Support Struggle
“Join a mum’s group!” is common advice, but many parenting spaces don’t understand autism parenting. Finding supportive communities can take extra effort.
- Reality check: It’s frustrating to be in spaces where people don’t ‘get it’—or worse, judge your child’s behaviour.
- Alternative approach: Seek autism-specific support groups, online communities, or local parent networks that offer true understanding.
Redefining Self-Care for Autism Mums
Caring for a child with autism is a unique journey that requires strength, patience, and understanding. As a parent, taking care of yourself is just as important as caring for your child.
the autism community in action
Instead of trying to force traditional self-care into your life, let’s reframe what self-care looks like for you.
Micro-Moments Matter
- A two-minute breathing exercise while your child stims
- A hot drink during therapy sessions
- Five minutes of stretching before bedtime
Routine-Based Self-Care
- Pair self-care with things you already do. For example:
- Deep breathing while brushing your child’s hair
- Listening to calming music while cooking
- Wearing comfortable clothes that make you feel good
Reframing Expectations
- Self-care isn’t all or nothing. Some days, it’s a hot shower. Other days, it’s just sitting down for five minutes.
- Celebrate small wins—because your well-being matters.
Permission to Pause
- It’s okay to step back and take breaks.
- It’s okay to ask for help and set boundaries.
- Your child benefits from a mum who isn’t completely drained.
Practical Self-Care Strategies That Work
Schedule Micro-Breaks
Use visual timers to create predictable self-care moments throughout your day, even if they last just two minutes. I know for a lot of us as parents to an autistic child, we use timers to help them however what if we used it for our benefit also.
Create a Sensory Comfort Kit
Keep a small box of items that bring quick relief, like:
- Essential oils
- A stress ball
- Noise-canceling earbuds
- A fidget toy for yourself
Use Digital Support
Join autism-specific online communities to connect with other mums who understand your struggles. The struggle is real and having people who really do understand what you are going through makes a whole world of difference.
Embedded Mindfulness
- Practice grounding techniques while supporting your child’s activities.
- Try progressive muscle relaxation before bed.
The Importance of Professional Support
Sometimes, self-care also means reaching out for support.
1. Autism-Specific Counselling
Finding a therapist who understands the unique challenges of autism parenting can be life-changing.
2. Parent Support Services
Many areas offer respite care, support groups, or coaching for autism parents.
3. Connecting With Other Mums
A peer support network can make all the difference in feeling less alone.
Final Thoughts: Your Well-Being Matters
You are doing an amazing job as a mum. Your love, dedication, and patience do not go unnoticed.
But you matter too. Self-care for mums of autistic children doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s—it just has to work for you.
Start small, be kind to yourself, and remember: looking after your well-being isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
Need More Support? Download My Free Mental Health Boosters
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, my Mental Health Boosters can help. It’s packed with quick, actionable strategies to help you feel more in control.
This post was about the self-care for mums of autistic children